a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
