Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
