I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
