So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
where does the pee come out of this thing
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
