yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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