"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
