1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
