Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
