im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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