Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
