Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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