i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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