Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
