you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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