piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
