I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
