if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
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I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
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I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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