thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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