Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
