I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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