Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
