im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
