you traded sex for a burrito?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
