No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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