So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
