If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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