Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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