I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just forgot I was standing up.