Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.