Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.