so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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