Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
