i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
