Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
