I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
