I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
