best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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