This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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