Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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