All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
