..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
