watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
