Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
