No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
