SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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