threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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