I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
