mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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