I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
