I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
