seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just pee around me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
