You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
