i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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