sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
