Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
