The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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