Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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