Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
