I just made out with a guy for $7.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
