I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
