I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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