dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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