if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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