I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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