You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
