I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
