Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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