someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
