I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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