I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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