You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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