Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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