True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
