I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my being single is dangerous.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
