Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
