I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
