I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
